Often, I think about the importance of “not-knowing” and considering how much we can’t conceive. It’s become common that we give away our power to scientists, doctors, politicians, influencers, friends, family. There is value in years of experience that lead to professionals being top of their field. Or to the hard-fought opinions made facts that so many preach. Visionaries continue to question whether we really have all the information. And some of the most “out-there” people, way ahead of their time, receive guffahs to their “outlandish” ideas. Most of the time, we don’t have all the information. A lot of what we take in as truths are just agreed upon results for the time being. It’s all subject to change when our capacity for understanding shifts. And it’s all subject to who has the power. How often do we believe the experts and then decades later more information to paint a fuller picture is released and so we must shift perspective? It genuinely makes me laugh at how much of what is “real” is really just made up. And it makes me ache at how many of these “truths” were designed for power and control. I used to be gullible. Now I can hardly take anyone serious when they start speaking in absolutes.
Some would say that whatever you believe becomes true for you. If that is so, why not open to not-knowing, to having a magical sense of unknown and the potential for fantastic possibilities. This is part of what can be difficult neurologically for survivors of trauma (and anyone living under capitalism, patriarchy, and colonialism, but that’s a whole other thread, though entirely relatable). The brain is wired for survival and when something intense happens, our brains learn from and wire to respond with the previous evidence of threat. This is useful if the threat hasn’t passed, but when it’s long gone and your nervous system is constantly reacting to minor inconveniences and non-threats, it can become exhausting. When fear is what the unknown kindles in us, we can struggle to want to lean in.
I experience this is my life more recently when I’m tagging patterns in people who have hurt me and finding evidence to prove my feelings right about how this person is wrong. I’m thinking I can’t forgive them unless I lay it all out and explain the rage, detail their missteps, and find some vindication through their acknowledgement. But, I struggle to find the courage to even mention to them how it hurts and instead continue my internal narrative. Unable to really forgive and too cowardly to hurt their feelings with my truth, I walk a fence-line of discomfort and feel invisible. Unable to change the person as they are or my feelings about them, I repeat my frustrations to myself and sometimes other willing ears. Being witnessed helps me understand myself better and while it may not change the situation or my feelings, it helps to release the pressure building up within me. It allows me to rewrite what is happening from a more realistic viewpoint, less vindictive, more understanding for the other and myself. While my authentic feelings may be difficult they are not static. I can go from the rage of disbelief that aims to protect me to a calm understanding of why those feelings have arisen. This is powerful witnessing; whether with a journal or a friend, reflecting on the how and why helps me move past the what and who, transforming fear of the unknown into possibility.
Luckily, our brains are malleable and trainable. Thoughts and words repeated alchemize into truths. “I am loved and safe” might not feel true for awhile, but eventually the somatic tuning of the body shifts and one day, it’s not only true, but it feels true. I may repeat to myself, “I can uphold boundaries and build clarity with a kind firmness” many times before I actually speak anything into being. I have to rewire my self-talk around being a push-over or being unable to speak my truth. “I can be kind and firm”. “Being authentic helps others be authentic, too”. “Conflict does not equal endings”.
Through simple thought practices, we titrate our way to healthful self-talk, healthy habits, and more connectivity to ourselves and the world around us. When we are not in a amygdala-based, reactive fight-or-flight-or-fawn state, we can open up to the vitality of nature–within, outside-of, and all around us. We expand our capacity for engagement through practice. Capacity to sense our physiological needs, capacity for interacting with loved ones and the larger community, and capacity to sense beyond ourselves into our nature-self, the interconnected life-force of the world.
Anyone who works with plants will tell you how they communicate telepathically or how moon phases effect agriculture. There is so much that we can’t see. Have you ever slowly walked towards a tree in an “open” state and felt the moment you’ve entered it’s bubble? Try it. A few times if you have to. The same can be done with a partner or friend. Walk towards each other from 30 feet away. Pause when you need to. Retreat if that feels good. Go slow or fast but pay attention to the subtle energies at play. Aim to meet at least a few feet together. It’s a lot of fun and kinda intimidating at times. An excellent “ice-breaker” for groups, too. It takes practice to truly witness, to consciously participate and respond, and to remain non-judgemental. All space is shared space.
In shared space there’s a softness to hold and be held. There’s a magic in the witnessing, something about the other set of eyes, the nervous system and experience of the other individual(s) in the room that helps to bring meaning out of seemingly simple or even mundane moments. Being witnessed is no small thing. When we live or create without ever connecting or giving away or being acknowledged our work, thoughts, feelings, etc., remain in a vacuum. We are designed to share and be seen.
In Ephemeral Movement, not-knowing is key. The practice of showing up without judgement and the conscious agreement to participate, witness, and collaborate with anything that catches. Guiding through following and holding the not-knowing for the possibility of discovery. In essence; opening to not-knowing and moving through that opening into a more full and connected way of being. It is a practice, a skill, an ongoing effort to be and feel connected, vital, and collaborative.
Sending warmth and blessings on this time of spring equinox! May we all have the courage, tenacity, and compassion to move towards what helps us grow in this time of new beginnings.
Ephemeral Movement 